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A letter to my daughter 🤍

My darling daughter Bonnie,

Since we only got to spend a little time together, I wanted to write to you in the hope that you can hear, wherever you are, the words as I write them. 


I miss you! With every inch of my being, I miss you. I stare at my tummy aimlessly wishing you were still there growing and becoming a big girl, fit and healthy. When you were in my tummy, I’m sorry if you felt like I didn’t talk to you enough, sing to you or stroke my belly so you knew that I was there and cared so so much. Just because I didn’t say every day, out loud how much I love you or how excited daddy and I were to meet you, doesn’t mean I didn’t think it. Maybe you actually heard your silly mummy talking to herself in her head. 


We were so excited to meet you and watch you grow. We had plans to take you walking as soon as we possibly could. We wanted to show you this beautiful world that we live in and help you learn to walk, talk, read and write. I was desperate to know if you would be sensitive, creative and conscientious like mummy or smart, ambitious and caring like daddy. I’m sure you would have been all the good things from both of us merged into one - you would have been you! 


When you arrived and we got to meet you, it was one of the saddest but most beautiful days of my life. You were so delicate. Your skin translucent, your eyes closed like you were only sleeping and your mouth open like you were snoring like daddy does (mummy does too but daddy is worse!). You had my nose and daddy’s funny toes - perfect in every way! You were ‘Bonnie’ 🤍


I would do anything, anything at all to still have you in my tummy growing and becoming a different sized fruit every week. Every Sunday, (the day you arrived) I think of how big my belly would be now, how long we would have left until you cried after being delivered, would I have bought you a full baby wardrobe by now and would daddy and I have started painting your nursery. 


I think of you every single day and I will do for the rest of my life. If we are lucky enough to give you some brothers or sisters in the future, they will know that they have a big sister who is loved and who would have been the best big sister in the world. 


I long to feel that you are still here in some kind of way. People talk about white feathers meaning that someone that’s no longer here is close. I don’t want feathers, I want you but understand that isn’t possible. 


Just know that you will always be my first child who will be loved and remembered forever. ❤️

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